Embrace Year 2013

The last thing I was supposed to do was to embrace year 2013 in tears. But I did, I did because I was no longer able to hold it all in. It is tiring to have to pretend to be happy when the fact is you have been hurt, hurt so deeply.



"Sometimes it's more easier to smile even if you're hurting inside, than to explain to the whole world why you're sad."

While everyone hopes to spend the final moments of year 2012 and the first moments of year 2013 with the one they love. Me? No I never had such luck. Last year, the man I love had to work night shift at the last minute. This year, while I was hoping to spend this moment with the person who matters most to me, he wanted to spend it with the girl he loves and his wish came true for him, thus my wish never came true.

The recent events made me realize, I need to be firm and make some decisions that I dread to do so in order not to allow myself to get hurt for the same reasons over and over again. I am strong, but I am not strong enough to accept reality as it is. I know five year before, now or even five years later, we would still remain as we are now, nothing would change between us. But I cannot hide the fact that I feel for you more than just a friend and none of you could put yourself in my shoes and understand how it feels to be me, to see the things I see, to be faced with the problems I faced.

And so, without having to say anymore, attached below is a paragraph I came across and I hope that one day if I am no longer there for you as I had promised, please understand why. I made a promise to myself since the first day we met that I will always be there for you and all these years, whenever you need me, I believed I had kept to my promise. But I don't know how much longer I can hold on to all these, to you, to our friendship. Because I don't want to be an obstacle in your life, in your relationship, so I know when to step back if I see a need to.



"At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, it's more like you know when enough is enough. You have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not yours, no matter how hard you try, it will never be yours."

Lastly, Happy New Year, Happy 2013! :)

xoxo, Salina.